And…she lives.

August 23, 2017

I’m going to do my best to keep this short and sweet without getting into any bloody details, but please excuse me if it’s longer than necessary. I finally had the surgery on the 14th. The first date had to be rescheduled because I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic they wanted to start me before the surgery. So yeah…they pushed it to the 14th. On the day of the surgery, they took me in at 8.45 AM and I opened my eyes around 5 PM. We were all expecting it to last around 1 hour or tops 2 since it wasn’t invasive and should’ve been what they called an “easy” procedure, but it took more than 6 hours.

Anyway, I lived to tell the tale as you can see 🙂 But, they can’t say for sure that the surgery was a success. Oh, guys, the words they choose to use, ah they are killing me here. Five days after the surgery, they took another CT scan because they couldn’t go in through my nose (with a handy little camera attached to something) to check things out. Because they do that–go in through your nose and all the way up there *shivers* (I’m sure you were very curious about that) After looking at the scan, they said there is nothing to be “afraid” of. That’s the worst word they could use, all I’m focusing on is “afraid”. I mean why the hell not say something along the lines…the surgery worked, everything looks good. You’ll have to be careful for a long time, but yeah it’s over now, be happy. Nope. No one is using those words. Also, call me ignorant, but I never knew you could push a tampon through your nose all the way up to your brain region (or something that looks like a long LONG cotton thingy. That was the absolute worst thing that happened after I woke up. I could hardly sit down as they pulled that thing oh-so-slowly. And I had no idea, absolutely no fucking idea that something was in there for 2 whole days. I thought it was just in my nose…

I guess that was more than what you wanted to know about the surgery. I’m doing better. Some days are pretty close to normal, but somedays like today some unexpected thing happens. Today, I was having trouble breathing. It felt like there wasn’t enough air–not through my nose, not through my mouth (almost similar to a panic attack, but not exactly) and I started panicking that something was wrong and it made it worse. But I’m better. Still a little difficult to breathe to be honest, I keep taking deep breaths. I still wanted to write this post for a few days now and I promised myself that I would do it today.

Now, the most important reason I wanted to write this post… Some of you commented on my blog post, some of you sent me emails, some of you sent Facebook messages, some of you did all that more than once, and I can’t tell you how happy each and every one of them made me. Some of you I’ve never heard from before and that makes it even more…mind-blowing? That you would care. They lifted me up when I needed them the most. I couldn’t reply (I’m going to start doing that slowly), but I read each and every one and it was the best thing. The absolute best. So thank you! Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for all the best wishes. Thank you for all the positivity. Thank you for being so damn nice. Thank you for caring. And (my favorite) thank you for keeping me company when I needed it the most.

Also…before I go, I’m happy that the surgery and the probing part is over, but they’re not letting me go back home for another two weeks–to my dog (my beautiful baby) because they’re afraid of infection. So, I keep crying every now and then when I think about her because she’s been anxious and sick without me too and it kills me that I’m not there to take care of her. I know I should focus on myself and get better so I can be with her again, but it’s hard–staying away from her. We shared 10 years together, and we’ve been apart from each other maybe once or twice. It’s really hard. Anyway, I’m getting emotional for no damn reason again, so I should end this.


Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For being who you are, for being there for me.

PS. Damn…this is nowhere near short. I’m not aloud to talk too much, so I guess it all came out here. I’m sorry for taking so much of your time. *face palm*

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  1. Elizabeth Conley said:

    aww…love ya Ella!!!!? Know that we are here for you…in our thoughts and prayers, and comments!! Take care of yourself…thanks for keeping us updated!!
    XOXO, Beth

  2. Kathy Meeker said:

    I was so happy to see your post. You have been on my mind and I most certainly was looking for a happy ending for you. It sounds like getting there is happening even if it is a bit slower than hoped for. Also happy that you have had such great support from your followers and fans. Feeling loved is a wonderful thing.

  3. Charlene Petryshyn said:

    Thinking of you and sending all the positive vibes! Any chance the hospital would let your baby visit (I know some hospitals allow fur babies to come and see you because it has positive impact)? Take care…you are a trooper :).

  4. Janet said:

    Happy to see your post as I was kind of checking every few days. I can understand you are still afraid and I do hope you get more definite news soon (GOOD news). I wish you a very very speedy recovery and hope you can be with your dog soon. Understandable you miss her. Very warm hugs and lots of prayers for you!

  5. Aurore said:

    I just saw your last two blog posts and wow! I so wasn’t expecting that.
    I’m glad the surgery went well and I hope you are doing better every day! I wish you the very best and I’ll still be here when your next novel comes out. 🙂

  6. Just Lily said:

    I am very happy to know that everything looks promising for you. Really hope to hear good news from you soon. Hang on there, try to stay optimistic. Sometimes positive thoughts can if not produce a miracle but at least meet you halfway there. As you can see a lot of people here are sending you good vibes, hugs and wishes. Remember that life is always better when you’re laughing, so enjoy every little good thing that comes your way!
    Best wishes, Lily

  7. katje said:

    Oh jeez, don’t apologize for taking up time. Don’t. You got through surgery; you deserve to have some time (at the very least).
    I’m so glad to hear that the surgery went off without a hitch – as for their worrisome words – try not to think too much about it. I find that doctors are often loathe to be too certain either way because they’re afraid of getting pinned down on stuff. I hear a lot of “well, we’re not sure…” in the course of seeing doctors and …well, at this point I consider it normal. Don’t be afraid!
    Poor puppy, and poor you — big hugs to the both of you. You’ll both pull through and be together again, definitely.
    I’m not a doctor and I’m going off what I learned in psych undergrad – but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s going to be lots of emotion floating around after this surgery, both from the circumstances surrounding it (omg brain surgery) and the surgery itself (futzing with the brain, hello). I hope you’ll be able to be gentle with yourself while you’re healing.
    Don’t worry; you won’t be forgotten. I hope you’ll be well soon.

  8. Nicole P said:

    All the best for your recovery! And your fur baby will totally understand. Look after yourself.

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